what’s your love language?

Happy Valentine’s Day!!! This is an appropriate post for the Day Of Love or Cupid or Pink or whatever it is because the following is a journey to a quiz that will identify your personal Love Language that will help you with any relationship whether you’re single, married, committed un-married, a parent, etc…. it’s festive therapy! Take the quiz and let us know your results in the comment section below! I want to know your language and if it sparked any revelations for you too!

I discovered my love language a couple days ago. I was in my car, listening to Oprah on Satellite radio – yes, this is a regular occurrence for me – and she was interviewing doctor and marriage counselor, Gary Chapman, about his book The 5 Languages of Love. There were numerous couples on the show, all raving about how Chapman’s method had “changed everything” and “saved their marriages” because they had identified each others “Love Language.” This idea isn’t just for couples, it’s to help parents and singles, (basically every human being) better understand the language of love. Sometimes we feel unloved when it’s really just being expressed to us in a different “language”! A New York Times #1 Bestseller (for weeks and weeks), the book provides people’s relationships a chance to be strengthened, transformed, or salvaged.

As I was listening, I started pondering which one of the 5 Languages was mine and which one was Joey’s. It wasn’t hard for me to imagine, and I my suspicious were confirmed later when I took the test online, that my language was definitely Words Of Affirmation… basically meaning I feel loved through loving and encouraging words. LIGHTBULB MOMENT Oprah! …she always talks about “lightbulb moments”….anyways, I realized this was why, from time to time, I bugged Joey that he didn’t “compliment me enough” – I know, it sounds whiny. I knew he loved me but in those moments I didn’t feel loved because he wasn’t speaking my language!

 

Later, when I took the quiz, I scored 0 on the “Receiving Gifts” language (the quiz ranks them in order with the top score being your “language” and if there are others close in score to your language those are important expressions of love to you as well). Joey thought this was hilarious because he loves giving gifts to me and always thought he was expressing so much love when really I’d probably rather have a compliment or, my second ranking, Quality Time. I said “woah woah, this doesn’t mean I don’t want any gifts dude, it’s just they don’t mean as much to me as maybe they do to you because your language includes Gifts!”

Joey’s test results revealed that he ranks Words Of Affirmation as his highest as well. So we’re compatible in that sense but have no fear if your top score is different than your partner. Once you identify the language you will know how to express it. On the Oprah show they told a story about this woman who’s husband divorced her after 10 years of marriage, citing that he didn’t “feel loved by her”. She was shocked because she had laid his clothes out every day and drew his bathwater at night (woah) during their marriage but he said “I didn’t need you to do that” basically, that it didn’t mean anything to him because it wasn’t his language. Obviously her language was Acts Of Service where you express love by doing things like washing dishes, or whatever, drawing baths (oohhhkay), and she thought she was showing her love but in actuality she was speaking love jibberish to him! If she had identified his language she may have been able to express it in a way that made him feel loved…but whatever, he sounds like a weiner anyways.

The point is, take the quiz and learn your love language! Comment and let me know! I want to hear about your experience! If you have a partner, have them take the quiz too. It will be very enlightening and hopefully help you understand yourself so maybe you too, can have a lightbulb moment!

In addition to reading the book, you can watch Chapman discuss love and relationships on Oprah’s Lifeclass.

 

5 main ways or languages of expressing and receiving love:

Words of Affirmation: words of encouragement and praise.  Kind words.

Gifts: Giving meaningful gifts as an expression of love.

Acts of Service: Doing something for someone as an expression of love.

Quality Time: Spending time with the person

Physical Touch: can include a pat, hug etc…

from mommy gratitude:

(via mommygratitude.com)

Take the quiz to discover your love language! Comment and let me know what it is! XO!!!!

 

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  • http://www.facebook.com/alli.dillenbeck Alli Dillenbeck

    I got quality time and words of affirmation second

    • mrkate

      nice! very similar to me! do you feel like that makes sense for you with your relationships (friends, parents, significant other etc.)?

  • joeyzehr

    i got words of affirmation and acts of service tied at 7, receiving gifts at 6, quality time at 5, and physical touch at 4. now tell me im awesome and draw my bath please.

    • mrkate

      ummmmm you’re awesome (obvi) and I’ll draw you a bath if you give me a neck massage and tell me my butt looks good in my jeans!

  • Andi Murphy

    I scored highest in Receiving Gifts, then second in Words of Affirmation. I’ve taken this quiz once before and I got pretty close to what I got last time. I think I like getting gifts a little better than compliments because, unless I write it down, I just won’t really remember what was said to me. My old art teacher got me a pair of necklaces for my 20th birthday. One was a star and the other was a tiny bottle of star dust (glitter). She gave it to me along with a note telling me all this stuff about shinning like a star. I really love connecting things with memories, people, or events. To me it’s like a physical symbol of whatever they said or whatever happened.

    • mrkate

      Yes that’s so true! Physical objects do mean the most when they hold memories. Those are my most treasured gifts – the thoughtful ones not necessarily the most expensive. I think because Joey and I both like Quality Time too we usually treat each other to vacations…it’s the gift of travel! Thanks for your comment! xx

    • mrkate

      Also I looooove fairy dust!

  • http://twitter.com/amyeicher amy

    i took this when i was younger, and i thought it would be easier now that i’m married, but it was harder! i had to compartmentalize most of the acts of service related questions and think about whether cleaning the house actually made me feel loved, or if i just hated doing chores by myself…

    i ended up with quality time, with physical touch and gifts next.

    • mrkate

      nice! Yeah I know, I got hung up on the Acts Of Service questions too because Joey always cleans the cat litter and I really appreciate it (cuz i don’t have to scoop poop!) but I couldn’t decide if that actually made me feel loved or relieved ; ).

      So interesting that you did the quiz twice as a single and married person. Thanks so much for your comment! HUGS!!! ; )

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Sasha-Sirozh/746013759 Sasha Sirozh

    I’m a draw between physical contact and quality time…. Hmmmm… What
    kind of one-on-one quality time is there with physical contact?
    Oh dear…..
    And you’re awesome Kate! :)

    (See, compliments all around)

    • mrkate

      hahaha Thank youuuuu!!! You are too! I wish I could give you a nice big hug and have a tea ; ) – And yes, quality time is better + physical time = the best time! Cuddddling!!!

      Happy V Day

  • Bianca

    Thank you for posting this! My profile says that my love language is “Quality Time”. As I read the description of actions that hurt someone that values quality time, I was like, “OMG….these are all of my pet peeves”! I also had flashbacks of all of the “up all night conversations” I’ve had with close friends over the years, curled up on the couch, just being transparent, honest, and vulnerable. There were times when I felt a little silly, like a girl at a slumber party, but it legitimately is my love language. The quiz definitely helped me understand myself better, and how I can understand other people’s love languages better. Thanks again for the post <3 Happy Valentine's Day!

    • mrkate

      YES! you had a lightbulb moment! so thrilled for you, it’s so comforting when things “make sense.” Thank you for sharing! I’m sure you have lots of quality time in your future ; ). xx!

  • Beth

    I was absolutely shocked to see this because my Mum (with Gary Chapman’s permission) for quite a few years now has been doing courses on this! She read the book, probably about eight years ago now, and figured out why my Dad kept taking her to dinners and weekends away – it was his love language, not hers. So my Mum saw why he didn’t respond when she got all of his facebook friends to email him telling him really affirming things. It all made sense now – she’s ‘Words of Affirmation’ and he’s ‘Quality Time’ (I am also Quality time but a very close second is Words of Affirmation).

    Thanks Kate for posting this, it actually made my day seeing how big this is getting! My Mum will be so happy to know it has been on Oprah – (we live in Scotland) – and I haven’t posted before, but just want to say I love a lot of what you do and some of your cool ideas! The whole junk and second-hand stuff making it work, is really a huge help because we may be moving to somewhere else and (this sounds weird) but will haveto leave our furniture at our old house and buy new stuff on a budget! So the flea-market, mix-and-match ideas have been so helpful! Thanks! Your really talented!

    • mrkate

      Thank you so much Beth! I love hearing from you, please comment more! That’s so cool your mom does this method! It’s powerful stuff. Good luck with your move and I’m sure you’ll pulls something chic together with your vintage finds. XO!

  • shelley

    Mine are quality time and physical touch! I love the love languages book it really helps my relationship because I never knew for so long that I was “loving” my fiance in a way that he still appreciated but it wasn’t his primary love language. It is so great when everyone is getting what they need :)

    • shelley

      Also his love language is physical touch and words of affirmation! I was loving him more in an acts of service style for some reason but now I know what makes him feel most loved.

      • mrkate

        that’s amazing! It’s great you have physical touch in common…makes cuddle time easy breezy ; ). Thanks for commenting and sharing! xx

  • Vicky

    I don’t really see the point of the quiz since I already knew what I was on the scale. Spot-on. The challenge is how to get your significant other or whatever to treat you that way.

    • mrkate

      yeah, have them take the quiz too or read the book! thanks for your comment! xx

  • manda

    hola Kate! ur amazing by the way, ur defiantly one of my BIGGEST inspirations! I also got words of affirmation as my top score (twinsies!!) I ranked 0 in Physical touch and the three other languages were tied. who doss’t love a good compliment once in a while ;P btw happy belated V Day <3 :D

    • mrkate

      yay! thank you for commenting! I love to hear your scores! Twinsies!!! Thank you so much for your support! XO

  • Marissa

    I love love love that you wrote about this! I have read the love languages book and it is fantastic! My love language is also words of affirmation. My husband’s is acts of service. After reading the book, it opened my eyes to the fact that when I compliment him all the time, it doesn’t mean the same to him as when I help him do things or cook his favorite dinner. We both ranked second in quality time, so it is nice that we do have that in common. Thank you for sharing this amazing book with all of your readers! When put into practice, it can really help strengthen your relationship. :)